Becoming a Better Leader Through Self-Awareness or … Leadership and Self-Awareness

If you’re familiar with the children’s fairy tale, The Emperor’s New Clothes, you understand the importance of self-awareness. Although we’re not as foolish as the emperor who didn’t know he was naked, too many of us don’t have the level of self-awareness we should. That’s a problem because, in our quest for personal and professional growth, no skill is more important.

Self-awareness enables us to examine our strengths and reflect on our mistakes — two critical steps to help us improve and grow. When we are self-aware, we become more passionate, fulfilled, confident and more creative. So we can build stronger relationships and communicate with others more effectively.

As an executive coach, I strive to teach and help leaders gain added self-awareness. This powerful skill can have positive effects on leaders and their organizations.

Yet, surprisingly, self-awareness is a rare quality. A recent, large-scale study on self-awareness found that only 10 to 15% of the 5,000 participants currently practice self-awareness.* This study also sought to better define self-awareness and identify steps leaders can take to improve it.

External vs. Internal Self-Awareness

For too long, self-awareness has been vaguely defined as self-consciousness, understanding our motivations or the difference between how we see ourselves and how the world sees us.

The study mentioned above produced two distinct definitions:

• Internal self-awareness or how we see ourselves based on our values, passions, aspirations, environmental fit, reactions (including our thoughts, feelings, behavior, strengths and weaknesses) and our impact on others.

According to the study, high internal self-awareness leads to higher job and relationship satisfaction, improved personal and social control, and even greater happiness. It also leads to less anxiety, stress, depression and burnout.

• External self-awareness or how others view us. Knowing how you come across to others can make you more empathetic and more likely to consider the opinions of others. Leaders who have high external self-awareness have better relationships with their employees and are more effective because their employees feel valued and heard.

Interestingly enough, internal and external self-awareness are mutually exclusive. You may have a high level of one type of self-awareness but a low level of the other type. In fact, four leadership archetypes have emerged based on levels of internal and external self-awareness:

1. Introspectors – High internal self-awareness but low external self-awareness

These leaders know what they want and how they want to achieve their goals. But, because they don’t take the time to ask others for feedback, their decisions can be one-sided, lack depth and may not consider the “whole picture.”

2. Seekers – Low internal self-awareness and low external self-awareness

This is common with leaders who are new to a management role or working with a new team. They don’t know who they are, how to achieve their goals, what kind of leaders they can be or even how their team sees them. As a result, they feel stuck in their performance, goals and relationships, leading to frustration.

3. Pleasers – Low internal self-awareness and high external self-awareness

These are the “yes-men” who focus too much on how others see them — to the detriment of their own personal satisfaction and fulfillment. They don’t realize they are doing themselves a disservice, which can lead to burnout and unhappiness in the long run.

4. Aware – High internal self-awareness and high external self-awareness

These leaders know who they are, what they stand for and what they want to accomplish. They value and encourage the opinions of others and use this feedback to make well-rounded decisions. As a result, they can take decisive action for the overall success of their company and team.

It can be tempting to prize one type of awareness over the other. Yet, true self-awareness requires a balance. Leaders must actively and continuously examine their values, motivations and judgments while seeking feedback to understand how they come across. Only by gaining that “middle ground” will you be able to make informed decisions and achieve real success and fulfillment.

Power? Experience? They Can Hurt Your Self-Awareness

Having power and experience can deceive us into thinking that we are infallible. We become overconfident about how much we know and how to achieve what we want. In fact, one study found that more experienced and more powerful managers tend to overestimate their leadership capabilities more than their less experienced counterparts.

Why do power and experience hurt self-awareness?

• First, higher level managers may be surrounded by “yes men.” Their employees and team members may be less likely to give them constructive feedback on their decision-making and leadership skills — for fear of professional reprisals. Think back to The Emperor’s New Clothes!
• Second, leaders may make the mistake of thinking that asking for feedback makes them appear vulnerable. Or they fear looking as if they know less than their employees. Too many leaders mistakenly think they should have all the answers. So they’re less likely to solicit the opinions of others.

In reality, the opposite is true. When you ask for constructive feedback, you become more externally self-aware, and you are seen as more effective. As a leader, surround yourself with loving critics who tell you the truth because they want what is best for you. Compare their feedback with your own ideas. This will help you reach a balance between your perception of yourself and others’ perceptions of you.

Answering What vs. Why

Don’t make the mistake of thinking introspection will improve your self-awareness. Too many leaders think that reflecting on our own actions and the motives behind them is the best way to get to know ourselves.

It’s been shown that introspective people are more likely to have lower job satisfaction and personal fulfillment. That’s because our natural way of self-reflection — examining our emotions, actions or motivations —  is incorrect and ineffective. When we reflect on ourselves, we ask WHY. “Why do I feel this way? Why did I react instead of taking a step back?”

“Why” is the wrong question to ask. We can’t know all of our unconscious thoughts, feelings and motives. We are naturally limited by our judgments and implicit bias, and we get caught in a cycle of negative thoughts about ourselves. We are emotional creatures, and, when faced with a negative situation, we tend to pounce on our fears, certain that they are the reasons for our bad circumstance. For example, if we get a negative performance review, we berate ourselves and focus on our insecurities. Instead, we should use a negative review as an opportunity to rationally assess our weaknesses and opportunities for improvement.

To become more self-aware, we need to ask “WHAT?” Asking “What” takes us out of a rut and helps us find a solution. We can then push through our negative emotions and seek a more objective solution, empowering us to act and solve our problems.

Let’s look at an example of a tough challenge many managers face: a business that is floundering in an industry that is saturated. Don’t waste time beating yourself up asking why you’re in this situation and why you made certain decisions.  That won’t save your business. Ask what opportunities you can take advantage of, using your current resources and assets. That’s how to get an answer that is helpful and constructive.

Self-Awareness Is Self-Mastery

Leaders who increase their internal and external self-awareness … who encourage constructive feedback from their bosses, peers and team … and who have the courage to ask “what” instead of “why” … can improve themselves and reap the rewards of self-mastery. The quest for self-awareness is a never-ending and continuous journey that is exciting and will empower and propel you and your business to new heights.

https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it

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