– Welcome everybody to today’s building my legacy podcast. I have with me today, a delightful woman from the UK, from Kent. Her name is Stefanie Oseni Stefanie help me, please.

– Stefanie Oseni-Momodu

– Okay. Thank you so much. I tried it before this started. And I’m sorry, I didn’t get it right. She has a marvelous consulting company coaching company, working with mindset. And I think for those of us that are looking at that next chapter of our lives, how do we build a legacy? How are we gonna move forward? Mindset is so much of what is entailed in that. And her company is Stefanie Gabriella Coaching. Coaching or consulting?

– Coaching. Coaching. And so I want her to share with us a little bit about what she does, how she came to working with mindset. She comes out of a finance background, so very different in terms of the direction in which you’ve gone. So if you’d just share with us how you came about this journey of yours and why this passion.

– So thank you for the introduction. So as Lois has mentioned, I am a mindset coach. And what I do is I help new female entrepreneurs develop their mindset in terms of before they actually launched their business or if they have just launched their business, develop their mindset, look at what is holding them back from taking the next steps. So in answering your question, how I got into becoming a mindset coach is, as you mentioned, I have been in finance for just over 10 years now. So literally, all my life, well, most of my life, that’s all I knew, basically. It was a natural thing. I’ve just been a numbers person. But as I grew older, got married and then I had my first son, and I realized I needed to do something that was more flexible. Though I wasn’t sure what it was. And I also realized all through my life, I’ve always been that person that help people, people come to for advice or support. But as years went on, I still didn’t really know what to do with that. That’s just who I was. And then fast forward, I had my second son now and I said, “I really need to “ditch the nine to five and find what my true calling was.” And I think I was having a conversation with a friend and she mentioned coaching. And I never knew what coaching was, didn’t even know it was thing. I didn’t even know it was a thing. So I looked into it and I said, “Actually, you know what? “This sounds very familiar.” It just struck a chord with me, basically. I said, “Let me look into it.” And then that’s how I looked into it, got certified. And in that journey, I got a coach myself ’cause that’s what they advice. When you’re becoming a coach you should get a coach to know how to coach people. So I got a coach myself. And funny enough, she was actually a business mindset coach which at the time I didn’t even know what that was. But I really loved what she did. I really loved during my coaching certification looking into the mind and how it really affects our actions, how it affects our businesses. how it affects the next step we take. And so I decided, you know what? This is what I really like. And I’m a positive person. And through my experience as well have been several businesses, it helped me to understand why those businesses did not work. So that’s how I go into mindset coaching anyways. And since then, I’ve just been loving it. And I thought a niche on female entrepreneurs because I am one. So I know what they’re going to go through, basically.

– So what do you find are some of the major challenges of female entrepreneurs?

– Confidence. And when I say confidence, I mean scared to tell people what you’re doing. People that you know having to share your journey, your new journey with them. So having that confidence to come out and say, “This is my new journey, basically.” That’s one of the things and self-judgment. Because the ladies that I’ve spoken to come up with self-judgment. When I say self-judgment, it was more of who are you to start a business? What qualities do you have, basically? Or people that know them already especially, in their nine to five, they’re like, “We already know this is what you do. “So where did that sudden switch come out from?” So those are quite interesting when the ladies speak to me and you start digging down into what is really holding you back. And it could be also self-judgment with family from back in their past. Family not supporting them for their business journey because they’re used to having that mentality of you need to work a nine to five you need to have job security. And with business, it’s not job security straightaway. So adjusting to that.

– So for me, I think of that as being a lot of negative self-talk. And I think both men and women do it. But I think women get stuck in it more often than men do. So tell me, what are some of the things that you do to help people shift their mindset?

– So what I like to do is help them to get aware. Be really aware of what is going on. Because in our everyday lives, we can run on autopilot. And we don’t really spend enough time with our thoughts. And so what I do I make them become more aware, to have some silent time with your thoughts with yourself, basically. Spend time of yourself. And one of the things I like to do is spend a day and I just want you to write anything that comes to your head. Just as you’re going on with your day, if something negative comes to your head just write it down to build up your self awareness. Because once we’ve built up that self awareness then we know, “Where do we need to work on?”

– So part of what you’re saying is many times people aren’t aware of those negative self-thoughts because they’re so used to them.

– Exactly. You’re so used to it, you’re literally on autopilot. It feels normal to you. You don’t even know it’s negative self-talk because it’s like it’s talking to you. You feel like it’s part of you, basically.

– So you have people write what it is that they’re thinking and reflect on that and then what?

– So once we’ve got to that stage, then we get to the part of when did this start happening? Can you think of when you started having this thought? Have you always thought this way? Finding where the trigger is. What is triggering those thoughts? And then we start to question them. For example, your thought could be “I can’t make money.” It could be something like that. I can’t make money. And that could be because you’ve just been brought up in a family where they found it difficult to make money. So automatically, you’re thinking I won’t be able to make this amount of money. So it’s questioning those thoughts. And say, “What evidence is there? “Are you already working? “Have you worked in the past before? “Have you made money in the past before?” Questioning. And when you start questioning it, then you start to realize “You know what? These thoughts are not actually true.” “And yes, this may have happened in the past in my family “but it doesn’t mean that’s what’s going to happen to me.”

– Realizing that the thoughts come from stories, you’ve told yourself from the past, how do you get rid of those stories? Is there a process you take people through?

– What I say to my clients is those thoughts you can’t just get rid of them. What you do is you learn to manage them. When they do come, you become aware of them. Yes, the thoughts are there, but then you have other empowering thoughts to override those thoughts. So for example, I can’t make money. Then you could override it with, “I’ve got a job, I’ve got money, basically.” So it’s not true. Or I’m not good enough. You think of things that you’ve done in the past that you’ve been successful at, think of your achievements. You override those thoughts. And the more you continue to override them the quieter it becomes. But in terms of saying those thoughts are magically going to go away. It’s not true. You just get better at noticing it and dealing with it.

– Amazing. So one of the things that I’m fascinated by with what you do and I think as women, as mothers, we’re always looking at how do we pass our new wisdom on? How do you teach this to your boys? They’re young, yet. Your boys are still very young but it’s such an important learning. How are you passing this on, that’s your legacy for the next generation?

– So what I do, for my first son who is four years old, I have introduced him to kid’s affirmations. And so he sings that, he doesn’t really know what it is but the fact he always stay singing the song, eventually it will stick in your head. And as he grows older, he will start to know the meaning of them. Another thing which I do is when I notice him talking a bit negative or saying, “I can’t do this. “I will never get this, basically.” I try to change what he’s saying or say to him, “Just keep trying. “If you keep trying, you’ll get better at it, basically.” And I’ve noticed he’s actually starting to pick it up. So if he’s, for example, playing a game and he’s not doing good at it. And he’ll say to me, “Mommy, I’m just gonna keep trying. “I’ll keep going. I’ll keep going.” And then you’ll see randomly someday he will just say, “Guess what, I can do this now.” Exactly. So just little things like that, I encourage in my household.

– So as you work with women entrepreneurs, I think many times women who are in business and entering that entrepreneurial world, especially they tend to be driven. And the notion of how can I process everything fast enough to achieve the goals that I have fast enough? Because it’s like, I think as women put ourselves in a fast track and then put it on double speed and then wonder why we sometimes trip.

– Or we burn out.

– So how do you help women process that?

– How we process that is, when we start a business, we’re excited we’re raring to go, so we’re driven. But what we don’t realize is how much goes into being an entrepreneur in terms of the different hats that we have to put on. And that is where we tend to stumble, our drive goes down. So how we can manage that is setting expectations right from the beginning, letting you know you, you’re about to embark in this journey letting you know that there are gonna be some challenges. But you need to be able to have the right mindset so that when you do come to them, you can push past it and not stumble at that first hurdle. So just setting those expectations from the beginning. You may not have those challenges right at the start but during your journey, you will have them and it’s part of your growth and that’s how you need to see it.

– Stefanie, I think so much as I reflect on my own journey, if I didn’t have people that I trusted around me to process, honestly, I think it’s so hard to find people who will honestly process with you. And that’s one of the values of a coach and what a coach brings. I think also having a coach that really understands issues of women is so important because if you’re a woman in business, there are things that we do differently. We take in and process a little bit differently. And knowing how to manage that becomes so important.

– Exactly.

– From your experience, Stefanie, what would you give as some of the most important advice to women entrepreneurs

– Definitely surround yourself with a support system. Number one, you can’t do it alone. No matter how good you are, how driven you are, you need a support system, someone that believes in your vision, that believes in your business. So when you’re in a high, they’ll be cheering you on. When you’re at a low, they’ll still cheer you on. It’s very important. That’s also actually part of my vision for every female entrepreneur to feel supported and not isolated. In terms of if you’re a wife you’re busy running your home, you’re looking after your kids and managing your relationship with your friends and then trying to run a business, starting up a business. ‘Cause when you first start a business, it takes a lot of your energy and time and it can get isolating. It can get overwhelming. So when you have that support system around you, they can help to hold you up. That’s the most important thing I would advice to female entrepreneurs.

– So develop a good support system. What do you say are criteria you should look for in that support system? ‘Cause I see people choosing sometimes really poor support systems.

– So choose someone that even thinks further ahead than you, that sees your vision even further than you can see your vision, someone that believes in what you’re doing. Even if it doesn’t make sense they believe that what you’re doing. is good, in line with your values, someone as well that is in line with your values. So if you are the sort of person that is, how would I say, if you’re the sort of person that’s very… If you’re the sort of person that’s spiritual, I’m just using an example, you want someone as well that is in that same line with you, that it’s not the opposite. Because otherwise your views may clash and that can reduce your energy. And you don’t want to be wasting your energy on things that’s not necessary for your business. So someone with high energy, someone that would support you someone that sees your vision further than you see your vision, basically, see you better than you see yourself and reliable. Reliable. If you need something, you know that they’re there. They may not be there physically but you know that they’re there, basically.

– So when you look at that support system, is there a process where people should check in? Is there a regularity to that that you should create? Or how do you think of that?

– It’s up to you really. If you’re the sort of person that you require regular support, you require, what’s the word? Okay, let’s just use regular support, regular support, someone to check in on you. If you’re the sort of person that you lose motivation quite easily, then it will be good to have regular check in sessions. It maybe once a week, every two weeks. Some people don’t like to communicate regularly. Some people like their space. So it depends on yourself what you require for you and your business. If you’re sort of person that requires regular encouragement or something little can trigger you and make you feel demotivated, then it’s good to have regular check in sessions.

– I think for myself, part of what I’ve learned in my own journey is that when I haven’t created some regularity, some pattern, I tend to wait until I have a crisis. And then it’s like, “There’s a lot to fix.” I’m asking a lot, of people. I have learned that, for me, it helps if I create a structure that says, “I might just call maybe just 10 minutes, “once a month, review what I’ve done, “this is where I’m at. “This is where I may need help down the road.” Just so people have in their mind what I’m up to. So when I hit my crisis, they’re not going in crisis, either trying to support me.

– I think for me, I’m the person that I need to check in every week. Simply because I am one of those people that have so many ideas always going and I need to check in with someone to bring me down and focus on what I’m doing instead of processing all those ideas at the same time. So I have to check in weekly and it helps. It helps me, anyways. It helps me keep on track with my business, keep on track with my goals as well.

– What’s fascinating, Stefanie, is in the beginning part of entrepreneurship, that is a concern that we have. And then I see it also later, as we begin to look at legacy and what are we gonna do with legacy? We have that same, ideas everywhere. How do I bring it? How do I focus it? Where will I have the most passion and get the most sense of meaning out of what I’m doing? It’s interesting, the process remains the same, the issues are the same, but how we will deal with that and resolve it may differ because we have more skills as we move on. But I think it’s interesting, it never does end.

– It doesn’t. It doesn’t, ’cause it’s a cycle, basically. It keeps going just that it’s different levels. And as you said, you would have built up more knowledge on how to deal with it. So we still go through the same thing, right from the beginning to the end but it’s more how we deal with it is that’s different.

– So Stefanie, as you work with women you’ve gone through, in a sense a huge learning curve with them in terms of what their issues are. Comments that you would like to leave with women entrepreneurs now, from what you’ve learned, wisdom that you would like to share that is really important.

– Focus on your end goal. Focus on your vision. Act from a place of where you want to be, not where you are now make decisions from a place of where you want to be. And it will get you closer and closer to that vision rather than based on how you feel right now or where you are right now.

– So vision and the end goal, I think one of the things that I find often when I start that exercise unless I’m in control of my own negative thinking, I’ll go, “Well, just a minute, “I don’t have those tools and skills for that.” Because it’s the future. You’re working in the present. What your mind doesn’t realize when you first set out is you’ll acquire them. If you set that as a goal, you’ll acquire what you need as you move.

– And that’s what I say to my ladies, as well. Don’t focus on your how.

– Oh, interesting.

– Don’t focus on your how, just focus on what you want to do. And as you go in along your how will start to show up for you. ‘Cause we spend a lot of time focusing on how am I going to get this? How am I going to start this business? How am I going to get my clients? But focus on what you’re doing right now, and it will start to show to you, basically. It will start to show up. You will start to see how you’re going to do it when you’re not focusing on it.

– Isn’t that so true? We get so stuck on the how and it creates inertia.

– Yep.

– A lot of inertia.

– And then we get stuck when we’re focusing on the how but when we don’t know how we’re gonna do something we’re not going to do anything, are we? We just stay there wasting time.

– Thinking back to the beginning of our conversation part of what moved you was you had a friend who then became your coach or somebody who became your coach who really helped you with that visioning, right?

– Yes. So during my training for my certification, I got a coach who helped me. I knew what my vision was, but she helped me in terms of what I needed to do.

– Got it.

– Carry on doing what you’re doing, showing me the steps. And just asking me, “What is it that you want to do? “What do you want to achieve?” Asking those questions. ‘Cause when someone asks you those questions, it really triggers your mind to get you thinking. So if I was stuck on, how am I going to be a coach? Or how am I going to serve these ladies when I’m coming from a finance background I probably will not be where I am right now.

– Interesting. What do you think helped you the most leap past those limiting beliefs that you had?

– What would I say? There’s two things. I would say my coach helped me because she helped me to see that I have a message that I wanted to put out there. And if I remained scared or afraid of sharing with people what I do, that message will not go out. So that was my coach, number one. And number two, it was my why. So I knew I wanted to serve these women. And if I did not overcome my own limiting beliefs, I won’t be able to reach them. I knew I really wanted to serve them. I didn’t want to speak to another woman who felt unsupported. So that really pushed me to get going.

– It’s interesting how that why becomes really such a driving force. It gives us purpose and meaning, doesn’t it, for what we do. Stefanie, our time is almost up. So before we close, last thoughts that you would like to leave with the audience

– Just want to encourage you to keep doing what you’re doing and don’t give up. Don’t give up at that first hurdle. And if you are a leader, support the people that you’re leading as well. ‘Cause when you support them they can help your business flourish.

– Great. Stefanie, thank you so much. Mindset is so, it’s behind everything of what we do. And it also impacts how we approach other people. It’s not only ourselves, but how we approach other people. And so I appreciate so much sharing your thoughts today.

– Thank you so much for having me on here.

– You are welcome.

– And for all of you listening to building my legacy podcast today, in our show notes, we will have information about Stefanie and how you might be able to contact her. If you need help doing so, just let us know and we’ll be glad to send that information onto you as well. Thanks very much for listening, everyone.