Speaker 1: 00:01 Welcome everybody to today’s broadcast of Building my Legacy I have with me today, Jamie Rea, he is a specialist in relationships and as we build our legacy, relationships are so important aren’t they? And so I’m really excited for Jamie to share a little bit about his story, how he got into working on relationships and what he cares most about as he works on that. So Jamie, I’ll let you get started.

Speaker 2: 00:34 Sure. I first have Lois, thank you so much for having me on the show here. I’m very excited to be chatting with you and yeah, just thank you so much for having me as a guest. I think it’s a wonderful thing that you’re doing with, you know, talking about people building legacy because I think legacy is something that’s so important that, you know, I feel can sometimes get missed and kind of the daily grind of life where we’re, you know, trying to make a living and we’re trying to provide. And then legacy can sometimes be this far away thing that we miss sometimes. But, so I’m a dating relationship and life coach as well as I’m a screenwriter and filmmaker. That’s another thing I do. But I basically been, I started coaching last year in 2018 but my start was basically as a relationship writer.

Speaker 2: 01:16 So I kind of came into the space via writing. I started my first blog in 2011 which was called the bro log. I was like in my twenties at the time. And it was about, you know, being 25 and, you know, going to the bar and all that. And so it was kind of when I was in my broey stage. And so I started that when I was 25 and then with a childhood friends. So we did that for a few years. And then through doing that blog, I ended up picking up a freelance writing career and started writing professionally, but relationships for various publications, you know, through Canada , the UK and the U S and then kind of from there, eventually I started to kind of, you know, I had this thing where I wanted to make it in the entertainment industry. You know, before, like I was like before I’m 35 I’m gonna make it big in the entertainment industry.

Speaker 2: 02:02 And then at 35 I’m going to, I’m going to become a life coach. It was always kind of this path. And then the universe had other plans and I basically started getting kind of these whispers, you know, people were sending me messages on Instagram and social media being like, I read your article on the good men project. It really moved me. Like it really helped me through a tough time, you know, it’s going to a breakup in your article, you know, really helped me move forward. And so I started getting more and more of these kind of messages and I honestly just at that point began to feel called towards coaching, called towards, you know, helping people in their relationships. And I started dating my current partner who, who’s also relationship coach and she’d been doing it for 10 years. And so it’s just kind of this sequence of events where I started off writing about relationships and then eventually I felt called to do it in a deeper, greater capacity as a relationship coach. And then obviously doing it as well. I do stuff with people in dating and life coaching. But yeah, so that was kind of my call into coaching and that was, that was a couple of years ago now. So

Speaker 1: 03:02 one of the things Jamie that drew me to you is there’s a lightness about you, a positiveness about you and what you write about and I think relationships could get very heavy and we can get lost in so much of that. So what is it that brings that positivity into relationship

Speaker 2: 03:24 coaching for you? Well obviously in the relationship space, like for whoever’s listening, who’s familiar, there’s this huge movement of right now of conscious relationships. You know, I feel like just everyone in general is kind of becoming more awake, more self-aware. There’s this huge kind of woke movement right now, but you know, people who are studying relational education, there’s a term that people are using, a lot of it’s processing. So people are always processing their emotions. They’re always processing their childhood trauma. They’re always processing their triggers. And there is kind of an, an inherent heaviness that can come with the relationship space. And my whole thing was, you know, I’m also a comedian, so you know, humor. I love the laugh. Humor is important to me. And as I started to get into the relational space I just felt that it was really, really heavy.

Speaker 2: 04:12 And I’m like, you know what, I really enjoy this stuff that’s deep, that has a lot of depth to it, but I also want to bring lightness to it because that’s who I am. So it was more so I just wanted to bring all of who I was to this space, which is half the time I’m going to be weird, silly, you know, make really kind of offhanded jokes. And then the other half of the time, like, let’s, let’s do really, really sacred work. And I’ve also just found the process of healing. Like when I work with clients, it can be really, really heavy. Like some of the terrain that we’re, that we’re moving through with clients, it’s really heavy and occasionally, you know, making a joke when you’re on a call or bringing a lightness, it just, it makes the healing process more tolerable for people because when we’re, you know, doing such deep work, I think it’s important to be like, okay, let’s go up to the surface and let’s breathe, let’s take a big sigh of relief and let’s just breathe for a second.

Speaker 2: 04:58 And I just wanted to bring all of who I was to the space and I really noticed kind of in the space that everyone was so serious. And I was like, you know, I’m also a comedian. So I felt that I potentially had that unique, unique offering to bring. And I’ve just felt it’s been a really great addition when I am working with clients and deep terrain to be able to lighten things up, to be able to make that inappropriate joke that, you know, someone could, you know, the whole group can laugh us, they’re ugly. And I think it just really, you know, brings out the humanness of people because as humans we’re, we’re complicated, we’re complex, there’s many layers to us. And that’s kind of just what I felt you know, bringing the humor really brought to people in kind of, you know, helping build that sacred container for healing.

Speaker 1: 05:43 Yeah. It’s interesting you say that because I think I’m early in my life as a mom was dealing with some issues with the child. And one of the things that my mother talked was if you can’t laugh at yourself and what’s going on, you’re going to have trouble talking about, right. Because so much of life is messy. And if you can’t laugh that it’s messy mess, it becomes difficult.

Speaker 2: 06:15 100%. Like, I always remember the one thing my mom would always tell me about relationships that stuck with me. She’s like, you’re screwed if you can’t laugh with your partner. Like you have to be able to laugh with your partner. And then she would always reference, you know, her friends and their relationships. And the strongest ones were the ones who had always been through the most but, but really had compatible senses of humor and were able to laugh through things. And I honestly bank humor, you know, not only for the healing process but just in your relationship. Having compatible senses of humor and being able to laugh is, is so important. Pleasure. Like pleasure is so important to your relationship just as much as you know, processing and maybe doing the work and having those hard conversations on the, on the flip side of that, like being able to bring pleasure and joy and fun to your relationship is so key and I think it’s really going to help our relationship last.

Speaker 1: 07:04 So tell me as you have worked with people, what are some of the biggest challenges that you find people face in dealing with their relationships? If you were to name the top,

Speaker 2: 07:19 what would those be? Yeah that’s a great question. I honestly, I would probably say like first off, just the lack of awareness I think that people have in generally speaking about what really creates an amazing relationship one thing that I’ve found from working with clients and just from people in general, they’re always like, Oh my gosh, like I didn’t know all this stuff was actually related or this stuff actually contributed to creating an incredible relationship. So a lot of the work I do with people is on family and measurement and going into the family system and you know, going to kind of the origin of those adaptations that we make in, in childhood. And I just, I think for people it’s straight up just a lot of awareness about where our relational patterning actually comes from. Because oftentimes what we do is we’re going to model what they, the type of relational dynamics that our parents had, or we’re going to choose something that’s the complete opposite.

Speaker 2: 08:13 And oftentimes what we’re really doing when we’re, you know, looking for relationship, we’re essentially looking for the love of the parent who we have the hardest time getting in childhood. And so often people will essentially bring their childhood longings with love from their primary caregivers into the romantic relationships. And you know, that’s why sometimes someone can be in a relationship and they’re like, Oh, like that person you’re trying to win mom’s love, or really what you want is your dad. And I think just people not understanding, not understanding, you know, we’re having some feedback on the Mike at the moment. Are we, should I take the mic off?

Speaker 3: 08:55 Yeah, maybe. So can you hear me? I think it’s better. So let’s just go back to the farmer sentence and we’ll cut this off. Sorry about that yeah, so just was saying, I think it’s kind of the lack of awareness, you know, rightfully so for people just, you know, not having explored this work that what actually, you know, contributes to our relational patterning is essentially the longings that we had from childhood. You know? So the big question that I’m always asking my clients once we kind of get into it as, what is the one thing you wanted in your childhood and you never got, what is the one, what are the words that you needed to hear from mum and dad that that would have changed your life? And I call this relational bypass and where we move into relationship, where we’re trying to win over the love from childhood, where we’re essentially trying to rewrite our childhood love stories in a relational dynamics.

Speaker 3: 09:51 So I guess to answer part one of your question that it’s, you know, just kind of the lack of awareness with what actually creates these relational patterns. And another thing I think is huge with people is that it’s really confronting because when, because basically what it takes, you know, relationships are feelings arena. You know, we can’t intellectualize our way to a great relationship and I really don’t feel unless we grew up in a home where, you know, our parents help regulate our emotions and, and gave us feedback on our emotions and really helped provide a container which is, which is not a lot of families I feel like, you know, unless we grew up really learning those skills to deal with our emotions, then emotions become this really, really scary thing, you know? And in order to succeed in a relationship, we have to be able to feel into our emotions.

Speaker 3: 10:43 We have to essentially be able to sit in our own discomfort. And so much of relationships is how, what’s your tolerance like for being uncomfortable? What’s your tolerance to be with your own pain? Because when we can’t do it their own pain, we’re going to use that partner to, you know, as a safety blanket to try to protect us from our own pain. And a relationship is not a place where we go to avoid pain relationships with place where we go to meet our pain. But we go to meet our pain with more courage, with , more confidence, with more awareness, with more safety because of the dynamic we’ve set up with our partner. And so I think another thing with people in, you know, creating really great relationships is that it’s confronting and there’s a lot of fear. And then another thing as well, but that’s just coming up for me from that question you said is that, you know, our ego, our egos won’t survive in a relationship. You know, it’s important to have a little bit of ego to the certainty. Like ego is important because you wouldn’t be able to be ambitious without ego. We wouldn’t be able to feel like we’re worthy of beloved our partner if we didn’t have a little bit of ego. But what happens when, you know, couples can get on these tracks and trying to be right all the time and it becomes a

Speaker 3: 11:54 battle of egos. And I always say that the relational hero is the first one to drop their sword. This means it’s the first one to be vulnerable. It’s the first one to surrender into their heart. It’s the first one to say, you know what, being connected right now is more important than being right. And if you have two people in a relationship, they want to be right. You’re going down on a track like this all the time. You know, everyone’s trying to , prove their point. And I forget the point, I forget the book that I’ve read this in, but it was about conflict and it was basically saying that, you know, we move in conflict with our partners and what we want to be like, Oh this is 70% your fault and 30% my fault. And what it says in the book is that it’s a hot.

Speaker 3: 12:36 So rather than thinking of the problem or the conflict as 100% think of it is 200% and you each have to claim 100% so that person claims 100% that person claims 100% so you take ownership and what you’re doing in that moment is first off, you’re taking accountability and ownership for your side of the equation. And secondly, you’re prioritizing being connected. Because if you try to, you know, you know, point fingers and be like you, you know, you’re this much in the fall, I’m this much in the fall, then you’re not going to be connected. You’re going to be a battle of superiority and someone’s got to lose. And if someone’s losing your relationship, you’re not actually connected.

Speaker 1: 13:15 You know, it’s what’s fascinating about what you’re talking about, Jamie, is it is also what impacts us in corporations, right? I mean, we see a tremendous amount of overwhelming stress at work. We see people getting ready to leave, perhaps being CEO of a major corporation or C suite or wherever, and now they’re looking at building legacy. But legacy, if you don’t have relationships, it’s very hard to get to that next step because the legacy requires relationships.

Speaker 3: 13:50 Yeah. And I think it’s this, you know, we need to depend on people. I think, you know, sometimes our society can, you know, really glorify being super independent, being independent is, is great, but you know, we need to be interdependent. We need to be, you know, it’s important in some element that we actually do depend on people and having incredible relationships you know, healthy relationships are about healthy attachment. So it’s, you know, being able to depend on yourself, being able to be resilient in yourself, but as well as having a really healthy, thriving connection with people. And the thing that’s really big in relationships is that how we do relationships in one area of our life is how we do relationships in all areas of our life. So for example, if we’re going to bring it into like, you know, corporations or, or the business Byron say there is a boss or there’s an executive who’s very, very conflict avoidant.

Speaker 3: 14:41 If he’s conflict avoidant in the workplace, he’s going to be conflict avoidant in his romantic relationships. You know, it’s probably going to be even worse in his romantic relationships because now there’s emotional, because now a romantic relationship mirrors the attachment bonding that we experienced with our parents. And so, you know, I think that’s really important for people to know is that, you know, if we’re single or whatever, like it doesn’t matter. But there’s so much ample time to improve our capacity for great relationships, by doing it with our friends, by doing their family, by in the workplace, just really creating you know, healthy dynamics where we’re transparent and we out our shame and we speak our truth and we, if we really have healthy connections in our, in our workplace with our coworkers, that’s going to bleed over into how we do relationships in our romantic relationships.

Speaker 1: 15:33 Yeah. You know, what’s fascinating about that, Jamie, is I, I look at so many people who are getting ready to retire that last phase of life. Some people have been in and out of relationships, maybe three, four or five. Right? But it’s that last phase for you’re looking for somebody to walk beside you to build, eat that last piece that you want to build. But if you haven’t learned how to do that relationship piece, it’s really hard to get somebody to walk with you in that phase of life. And I think so many people come to that and they go, well, look at how successful I’ve been. Of course everybody’s going to want to step up and be a part of it. Right? And sometimes it’s a real discovery for people to realize that’s not true.

Speaker 3: 16:24 Yeah. And, and you know, and I think too as well, if we have a lot of say success in our career, but maybe we shied away from relationships because maybe we didn’t feel like we have the time, or maybe there was just, again, a bit of a fear because we, we knew that we would be confronted with our deeper emotional terrain. And then there’s, there can be this element where that can actually increase fear in some capacity because we don’t want to be bad at it. And I think it’s really important with improving ourselves in relationships. There’s a willingness to kind of suck. There is a willingness to, you know, and there’s a lot of shame that can come with that, but I think it’s important for, for all of us to embrace the fact that we’re not going to be good right away. Embrace the fact that we’re going to, you know, open up to someone new.

Speaker 3: 17:05 We’re seeing maybe we open up to our wife, to her husband and it’s foreign territory and maybe we’re going to be shaking a bit. Maybe we’re going to be really, really nervous. Maybe we’re not going to be speak the most eloquent that we could possibly speak. But just the fact that we move into those territories, even if we’re bad added at first, we’re going to improve our capacity to have those hard conversations. We’re going to improve our capacity to have incredible relationships and you know, and also too with relationships, I think there’s a lot of, we want to meet someone and just have it be great right away. You know, we want to, it’s that whole thing like, like me growing up, I had a template where it was very Hollywood, very Romeo and Juliet. You know, I see a woman from across a crowded room and I just know, I just know that she’s a woman that I want to spend my life with.

Speaker 3: 17:51 And I always say that in order for the, for the dream of true love to be born, we have to kill the fantasy of young wounded love. And the fantasy is that this level saved me. The fantasy fantasy is that this love will complete me. The fantasy is that this relationship is the thing that I’ve been looking for. This relationship is the destiny. It’s the horizon that I had been marching towards. So, you know, we have to be able to make ourselves whole and happy without partnership, you know, cause if we move into a relationship hoping that person’s going to be able to complete us, you know, we’re just going to be projecting onto that person, you know, we’re going to be, you know, we’re not going to be able to fill up our own cup. So that’s why it’s so important where we’re able to go deep into, you know, our own childhood traumas, our own, you know, childhood pains, you know, our own things that have historically struggled us and be able to sit with those things, just gain awareness over those things and really kind of begin to get in process of our ultimate reclamation just within, within ourselves.

Speaker 3: 18:53 And then you can write a different story because then you’ll meet someone who’s also been doing that work and, and what will happen is you’ll make each other incredibly happy and it will be this incredible relation, but you won’t be completely dependent on each other. You’ll be in this relationship because life is just better with this person. This relationship makes me happy and it’s a great additive to my life, but it’s not my whole life. Right. Part of what you’re saying for me as I am listening to you, Jamie, is that there is completeness begins when you have a sense of who you are and a sense of your own purpose. Right? And I think so may times we look for a partner to create that purpose of meaning or we look to a career to create that purpose and meaning. And when we do, we get incredibly disappointed 100% and, and, and if we look for that and then we’re going to continue looking for that with more and more partners, you know, we’re going to be with that person.

Speaker 3: 19:52 It’d be like, Oh like you know this cause you’re going to reach that point in that relationship where this relationships forcing you to meet yourself. Cause that’s really what happens in a relationship. It becomes a mirror for yourself. And if you can’t be with your own discomfort, then when that relationship gets difficult, you’re going to be like, I can’t deal with this. I’m just going to go on and try to find another relationship. But yeah, like, and I think a big thing with people and you know, I’ve coached singles a lot and taking people through dating programs and one of the biggest things that we include in that is how much purpose you have in your life, not in the romantic arena. You know, what is your genius zone? What is your, you know, what are your greatest gifts? What are, you know, what’s your purpose that you want to bring to the world? What’s your Dharma? And if we don’t have purpose in our career, if we don’t feel, you know, connected to a soul tribe of friends, then we are really going to put a lot of pressure in the romantic arena looking for this relationship to kind of fulfill us and bring us happiness. And that’s why it’s so important. I always say to people too, and they’re single, are you prepared to die alone?

Speaker 1: 20:57 Oh, interesting. And fighting because basically we need, you know, we’re not actually ready for a relationship until we’re prepared to dialogue. Meaning we’re really complete and ourselves. And of course we all want to meet someone and share a life with someone. But it’s gotten to the point where we’ve fallen so in love with ourselves. And I don’t mean that in like an egocentric way, but like, you know, we’ve fallen so in love with our life, you know, with our friends, we feel deeply connected. We have intimate connections with our friends that we feel nourished. You know, maybe we have really increased our capacity for intimacy with some of our family members. You know, we are able to sit in our own stillness and we’re engaging in activities that allow us to connect to our soul. And the thing is we can’t find a relationship that’s actually good for our soul until we’re living in a way that’s good for our soul and how we discern who’s going to be an incredible partner.

Speaker 3: 21:50 And actually someone that we want to grow with is we’re actually making choices in our life that really nourish our soul on a deep level. You know, we have, we chosen friends who are really aligned to actually allow us to be seen. We’re engaging in a career that, you know, is more than money. That just brings us purpose on a really deep level. And we actually feel a value. We feel that we’re in service. We feel that we’re in contribution because you know, we all want to go through our life feeling like we’re in contribution, feeling like we really kind of maximize on our own. Unique offering, whatever’s unique and special inside of us. We all, you know, there’s a unity consciousness. We all want the same things. We all want love, we all want connection. We all want purpose.

Speaker 1: 22:40 So, you know what’s interesting as you talk about that is when you, like when I, when I look at the, what’s coming in in the world of business and I think just all of the different things out there that are being developed, the next frontier is going to be what I think of as being ecosystem connections. So we can’t be partners with everything. We can’t own everything. We can’t merge with everything. We can’t buy everything. But the world is such that we have to have connections, we’ve got to have those where we can relate, we can trust, we can move together, maintain that, but also then move to other places when we need to. So there’s this mutual give and take, a sharing and growth that occurs. And , and, and I think so people, leaders aren’t ready for that cause they haven’t thought about their relationships. I mean, this is big. If you, you’ve got to really know yourself, you’ve got to be able to also be very authentic because no one’s going to trust you in that more fluid process if, if there isn’t that connectedness or that relationship.

Speaker 3: 24:07 Yeah. And , the, the word that comes up for me, and it’s interesting you say that on like a, like a global kind of corporation business level. And the word that comes up for me is alignment and soul resonance and you know, soul resonance within your company. It could be, you know, mission residents where your, where your, your company missions are really aligned. But the other big thing in relationships too is that we want to have an incredible relationship, but we don’t want to have to tell someone how to love. We don’t, we want someone just to know how to love us. And that’s when we’re writing on, we’re relating unconsciously as a child because as a child, before we had, you know, the use of complex language, we just wanted mom and dad to be able to attune to us, to be able to tune to, to what we needed to be loved.

Speaker 3: 24:53 And feel seen and fulfilled. And then when we move into relationships without learning how to love ourselves, then we unconsciously have this whale expectation. Oh, they should just know how to love me. But the thing is, if you don’t know how to love yourself, how entitled is that? That you expect someone to love you when you haven’t even been either you haven’t done that or you haven’t had the courage to do that. How is someone going to have the courage to love you when you even have it, haven’t had the courage to love you. You won’t recognize what love is if you haven’t given it to yourself and you won’t. And a huge part of love is being able to accept it and you won’t be able to accept it. If you haven’t started giving it to yourself, you won’t be able to recognize it.

Speaker 3: 25:31 You won’t, you won’t believe you. You won’t trust it. And so it’s really important that we get ourselves on a track. You know, as we, we do that deep interest introspection and that inner discovery, what brings us alive? Like what do we, what are our needs? You know, what are our fundamental needs? Like, like what’s our spiritual need? What’s our intellectual need? What’s our emotional need? What’s our just physical needs? , what’s our passion and purpose need? , what’s our emotional intellectual? I feel like there’s one I’m missing there, but, you know, like, just figuring out what our basic needs are. Like, what do we need to feel fulfilled in all these areas? Because how are we going to be able to set someone up to win with us? And I think people that have the time find that really unromantic, like, I don’t want to have to tell someone, you know, the weight of my heart. But basically what we have to do is we have to create a pathway to our own heart by the way in which we’re living. So we can become the inspiration for someone to come into our life and follow the track that we’ve laid out by, by how we’ve already learned and chosen to love ourselves.

Speaker 1: 26:41 So as part of that, also being able to accept what you’re not, what you’re as going to say what you’re not good at, but it’s, it’s , no one’s perfect, right? So it’s your failures. Being able to accept some of those and learn from them. And that’s a hard thing. That’s part of loving yourself.

Speaker 3: 27:02 Yeah. Like imperfection is intimacy and you know, our deepest shames the things that we’ve historically had the hardest time revealing. Those are actually the places where the right person is going to love you the most. Fiercely. The things that your wounds are, where the right person is going to love you most, most fiercely. But first, those are the areas that you need to love yourself most fiercely. And when we can, you know, shame really contracts us. It really constricts us, you know, it’s like if you think of your energy and your body is like gravity, it’s really restricting gravity. It’s really, you know, it’s blocking kind of a container that is your spirit. Shame just clogs our spirit. And when we can out our shame and we do that with a partner and you’re like, Oh my gosh, like you still love me even with this?

Speaker 3: 27:52 And they’re like, yeah, it actually makes me love you more because you’ve brought me more. Now there’s more of you for me to love. You’ve brought me more into your heart. And now there’s this more of you. I see more of your story, the most valuable thing we own as our story. And when we can bring that to a partner and they can see us now we’ve given that partner the greatest gift because we’ve brought them into a part of us that is scary for us. That’s really hard for us to admit. But now they really have an opportunity to love us. You know, those parts that we’re so afraid to speak. Those are the parts where we’re the most lovable. And those are the parts where intimacy is really going to happen. And as you said, we all are imperfect. You know, intimacy is messy.

Speaker 3: 28:36 Intimacy is, can be gritty, you know, and we all have what’s called a shadow personality, which are parts of ourselves that we’ve disowned parts of ourselves that we experience a lot of shame with. You know, maybe part of our shadow is that we’re really competitive. We’re really, really jealous or whatever it is. You know what I mean? , and just owning those parts and really exploring them because the parts of ourselves that we love and accept, they can no longer hurt us when we love and accept those parts, people could no longer use those parts to hurt us. So the path, the pathway of protecting ourselves and the ultimate defense is loving those parts of you that historically you’ve disowned or not wanting to look at.

Speaker 1: 29:24 It’s fascinating. There’s a tremendous amount of power in that, Jamie. It’s, you look at your own life. What kind of legacy do you want to leave with all of what you’re working on with relationships and with people?

Speaker 3: 29:42 You know, I’ve been thinking about this a little bit and you know, there’s going back to the childhood thing, I feel like our childhood brings us an innate gift. You know, just naturally that’s kind of God given to us by the way. Cause I feel like our parents are our greatest spiritual teachers and you know, by the way that we’re raised in and our families are almost chosen for us on a spiritual level. And so I feel like there’s an innate gift that we’re given through a child and then we’re given what’s called our work, which are the ways that our parents couldn’t love us and they’ve left those parts for us to learn how to love ourselves. And I feel like for me the innate gift that my childhood brought me was I was told I was special a lot. I was hugged law by my mom and I had freedom to express, I had freedom to explore who I was and that was such a natural gift that I was given.

Speaker 3: 30:33 So for me to be in my vibrant, authentic, this is who I am self. That was something that’s, that’s all an attribute to my parents. And so I feel like honoring my story and the gifts I was given by my parents and on a spiritual level is giving people the safe space and the courage to move more into their own authentic expression. So giving people a safe container just by how I show up in the world. So if I’m honoring my gifts and I’m, you know, living in my own unique expression unapologetically, I feel like I give other people the courage and the freedom to do that in their own life. And so I feel by embodying myself in my own free expression, I give other people the gift of an invitation to come into their, their own, a lightness, their own power, their own fully embodied, authentic self.

Speaker 3: 31:32 And that’s really kind of a legacy I think that I want to give is I want people to see how I seen myself and my life and how, excuse me, and how I operate and I want people doing. I want to inspire people to live that for themselves, whatever that may be, it’s going to be different than, than what it is for me. But whatever that own authentic joy, whatever that own authentic a lot Agnes and freedom of expression to be their quirky, weird, unique self, I want to, you know, kind of be the postcard for allowing people to step into that for themselves. You know, it’s that notion of being alive. Cause I think that’s really what people are desperate for, isn’t it? It’s that sense of yeah, I, I think, you know, success in life is, is his soul success. How connected were you to your soul?

Speaker 3: 32:28 Because you know, I think so many of us live without really activating our soul. You know, we live through our disguises, through our defenses, through our masks. And so I think success, this is, I, I see success very holistically, but success is how connected are you to who you really are? How connected are you to your gifts? How connected are you to true self and are you creating a life that is representative of who you are really on a deeper level. And because those are the gifts that really last, you know, ex external pleasures, you know, those are fleeting and they’ll last for a few moments, you know, for an afternoon. But the, the fruits that you get from those, that deeper exploration and living from your soul, those are feelings that last all the time. Those are feelings that you just have inside of you. Those are feelings that, that have legs to last your lifetime and really drive you and allow you just to feel really good and fulfilled. Just sitting there just in stillness in your life.

Speaker 1: 33:36 You know, one of the themes that you said, Jamie, that really resonates with that is the notion of you really need to create, as you share in your authentic, you create a path for people to your soul. So it’s that path to being connected, that path to becoming a live yourself or others being alive because they’re a part of you. And I hadn’t thought of it so much as helping people build a path to you. And then it’s probably also to others that you’re connected with because pads usually have other parts to it, don’t they?

Speaker 4: 34:23 [inaudible]

Speaker 3: 34:23 yeah. And, and just really, you know, and I think with anything in a relationship, you know, going, touching on that, it’s like what I always tell my clients is, you know, I’ll ask them what they associate love to be. You know, they’ll give me like a call, their love mantra and I’ll get a list of things that they, you know, maybe it’s compassionate or maybe it’s adventure, maybe it’s joy. And I’m like, okay, how are you embodying these things in your own life? And they’re always, you know, oftentimes it’s the type of thing where we’re looking for things that we aren’t currently bringing to the table. And so it’s, it’s with anyone who has a legacy, it’s like, how are you living that for yourself is the question. Because if we’re not embodying it, then we’re out of integrity and you know, the, the best power.

Speaker 3: 35:11 And you know how we inspire peoples by inspiring ourselves if we’re not inspired, we’re never going to inspire anymore if we’re not personally inspired ourselves. So it’s whatever our legacy is. How do you show up and embody that legacy on a daily basis for yourself? You know, because it’s just, it’s wishful thinking outside of that because you know like obviously it feels like you’re out of integrity but you know, is that actually what’s most important to you? Because, so what I think when we think of legacy, we have to think about what is it that is just our life force on a daily basis? What is it that just drives us day to day? That’s something that you know, fulfills us outside of the external pleasures that fulfills us outside of achievement and accomplishment. What are those? What are those things that we can just do for hours and lose track of time? What are those things that we do that just allow us to bask in our humanness where we just feel so connected to ourselves? Cause always those activities where we feel more connected to ourselves on a spiritual lever level after doing are going to be those, you know, it’s going to be our genius zone. It’s going to be our guests. It’s going to end up becoming our legacy and what we’re here to bring people.

Speaker 1: 36:33 Jamie, I’m looking at the clock and I’m realizing we’re well over our time and , it has been, it really has been very, very wonderful talking with you. And I want to just give you a couple of minutes to, for you to share how people can connect with you because I think relationships are really key. And I think for so many leaders, it’s the thing that they keep putting off. It gets the can keeps getting kicked down the road. Some days they’ll pick it up and, and make it better. And so if people want to connect with you, how would they do that?

Speaker 3: 37:10 Sure, yeah. So I’m probably most active on Instagram that’s, you know, probably the first line of defense or line of offense. I don’t know where you can find me. And my Instagram handle is at @Jamie.N.Rea. So Instagram as well as me and my partner have a podcast that they can listen to. It’s on iTunes and Spotify and that’s called the power couple podcasts. And we also run a relationship school called the legendary love Academy. And I’m not sure when this interview is going to be going out, but our members, we have a membership site called the love legends Academy that’s going to be launching I think mid December. And so they just look up it’s legendaryloveacademy.com. Okay. Just exactly how it’s spelled. If they look that up online, they can enroll in the school, jump on our email list, you know, hear about all the year about all the, the program offerings and yeah.

Speaker 3: 38:18 And some of you said there was actually really interesting I’ll just touch on real real quick just before we hop off, but about kind of automating a relationship and I think that’s where people can get into that space of just wanting the relationship to be there and to be great. Just to be able to come home from work without having to put the work in and the relationship is there. And so we really have to like get out of the idea of automating our relationship and imagine if we worked at our relationship the same way we work at our job the same way that we go to the gym to get fit the same way that we get on a diet when we want to look ripped in a, in a shirtless photo in Mexico. Imagine if we put that work into our relationship because you know, the most important thing in life is our human connections is how connected do we feel?

Speaker 3: 39:05 And imagine if we felt really connected and seen how that would trickle down into all other aspects of our life. Because, you know, simply, just going out and working and then turning off and just expect our relationship to be great, the relationship’s not going to stay great if we’re not putting the work in and we’re not regularly carving out time to connect to really, you know, have conversations with the, with one another and, and really share what’s really, really going on, on really deep levels with each other. And so I think we really need to, you know, cause things are becoming automated with technology and relationships are one of those things that we never want to automate. Right?

Speaker 1: 39:46 Yeah. It’s for work. And and I also think the other part that goes with that is there’s an ebb and flow. Sometimes it’s fabulous, sometimes not as fabulous. And when you’re working at it, you get through those dips, right? Because it’s inevitable. I mean, humans aren’t always at the same high level all the time. There’s a, there’s a rhythm.

Speaker 3: 40:11 Yeah. Like you’re going to be disconnected sometimes in your relationship. You’re going to resentful. Sometimes your relationship and those are all realities and you know the disconnection, the perpetual cycle of a healthy relationship is, is connection to disconnection to connection and the disconnection is a valuable opportunity to increase intimacy. It’s to know each other better to, you know, learn how to resolve conflicts better. You know, it’s a really valuable opportunity to excavate and actually create a better relationship. So that’s why it’s actually really important to have things. If things were going well all the time, then you would just, you would eventually hit this, this cruising altitude, but the disconnection periods allow you to create a better relationship.

Speaker 1: 40:51 Right. Jamie, thank you so much. This has been just wonderful. For those of you who didn’t get all of the places that Jamie was talking about where you can connect with him, send us an email, we’ll be glad to send your information on to him and get you connected. If you have comments or questions that you would like him to respond to. Jamie, thank you so much for your time today and those of you who are listening to us today, thank you so much for joining us. I’m building my legacy.

Speaker 3: 41:23 Thank you so much for having me Lois, this was an absolute pleasure and I had a wonderful time talking with you and so thank you very much. This was great. We’ll do it again and I can’t wait. Thanks much.