Welcome back, everybody to Building My Legacy. It’s so good to have you back with us. And Kate, it is so good to have you back with us again today. We are continuing our series on where do you find resilience? How do you find resilience in the work place? And in life in general. And today we’re going to take her three concepts, her three principles of resilience or finding resilience by first recognizing our feelings in the events that are happening. Reflecting on them. And then redirecting what it is what we’re feeling and how we’re responding into a constructive manner.

Lois:

And we’re going to look at that in relation to procrastination. And I think right now with … Oh, I think procrastination is one of those hard things. When I have a task that I don’t like, it’s so easy to procrastinate. And one of the things I had to learn years ago was put the ones you don’t like at the top because if you don’t put it at the top of the list, you’re not going to get it done. But let’s talk about procrastination because it can get the best of all of us.

Kate:

Yes, yes. I’m definitely excited to dive into this topic of using my three R’s to get a handle over procrastination. And I’ve got to admit, I had a bit of a giggle when I saw on my calendar. I have calendar time to make notes for this episode for you all. Guess what I felt like doing? Procrastinating on it. Like I wanted to pick up my phone and check Facebook or make another coffee. Or tidy up my desk. Go on my email and just quickly send one more message.

Kate:

And I think that’s also the sneaky thing. Like sometimes we’ll go and take action or do something else that feels productive or useful. Like oh no, but I tidied up my desk. Or I sent out more emails. And we try to convince ourselves that we’re not really procrastinating. But if you’re not following through on the task that you said you were going to do. You had scheduled to do. You had calendared to do. That needs to get done by a particular time, then you are procrastinating. Period. If I was meant to be making notes and I was on my email instead, I was procrastinating.

Kate:

And I really don’t think that there’s a human on this Earth who doesn’t struggle with procrastination sometimes. And spiraling into that overwhelm of feeling like I have so much to do and I really need to get this done, but you just can’t seem to find the motivation to do it. And in fact, I actually know that there really isn’t a human who hasn’t been here before. I know it’s a struggle everyone can relate to because I just want to you let you know and just remind you something about your brain. Because you know that I always love giving a little facts and understanding about how our brain functions.

Kate:

And the first one is just to know at the most basic level, our brain is always functioning off what’s called the motivational triad. So the motivational triad is basically our brain’s unconscious instincts. And it’s really working to help keep us alive. And that drives us automatically to want to do three things. To seek pleasure, avoid pain, and exert as little energy as possible. So this means that, of course, our brain would rather go and chat with our colleagues in the lunch room or check our phones or scroll Facebook or clear out our inbox or go get something to eat or clean our desk. Do anything.

Kate:

Anything which uses less brain power than the tasks we might have to complete instead. Like finishing the big sales report or putting together that big proposal for our client. So your brain naturally is always going to be tempted to do something that is simple and easy over something that makes you sit down and use brain power and focus and a lot of conscious thought into completing that task you’ve got to get done.

Kate:

So I just want us to say that so you’re not judging yourself for constantly choosing Facebook over facing your client’s report. Not a sign of anything being wrong with your brain. In fact, a sign of a healthy human brain. But of course, to allow us to achieve any goal you want, whether it’s at work, in your relationships, in your finances, in hobbies. Like whatever your goal is, you will not achieve it by just listening to this primitive, let’s just seek pleasure part of your brain.

Kate:

Because think about it. The reason that that thing is a goal, is a task on your to do list, and not yet something you have achieved is because action needs to be taken on it, right? Often uncomfortable action. Because goals by default require deliberate effort or else it wouldn’t be a goal because you already would have achieved it. So goals take action right? Uncomfortable action. Because it often requires deliberate concentration so that primitive, what I call like the instant gratification toddler part of your brain is always going to think it’s a terrible idea. And we’ll initially chuck that tantrum. I was like don’t do this.

Kate:

But of course the good news is we don’t have to just listen to the toddler in our brain. In fact, we can coach it. We can talk to it. Compromise with it. Entice it to want to play along with you to get that hard thing done.

Kate:

So of course I want to show you how to do this using my three R strategy which we’ve previously explored in all these episodes and Lois is now an expert out. I’m very proud of her. But I want to show you how you can use these to help end your anxious cycle of procrastination once and for all by finally getting to the root cause of it and changing it for the better. So what’s that first R, Lois?

Lois:

Recognize.

Kate:

That is it. Sorry, we really want to recognize our thoughts, what we’re thinking in that moment when we feel that temptation to procrastinate in that moment. And how they really are the cause of the anxiety and the overwhelm or the frustration that is leading you to procrastinate. Right? Because they’re the top three emotions. Or sometimes our motivation. But we will feel some sort of anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, something is going to cause that feeling to then want to make us distract ourselves away. And we just really got to recognize what are we thinking in that moment when we feel that temptation come over us?

Kate:

Because the temptation, when I work with a lot of my clients on why you procrastinate and I’m sure a lot of listeners can relate, it’s like well we want to blame something out there. Like oh well it’s how long our to do list is or how many tasks we have to get done. Or it’s because this task is so hard or this or that. We think it’s something out there that’s causing us to want to run away or not do it.

Kate:

But the good news is about this step of recognizing your own thoughts is you recognize like hang on a second. I’m the one ultimately causing my own anxiety or overwhelm here. Not my actual to do list. Not my actual report that I’ve got to write. And that, of course, is when we get our power back to change this. So as I’ve always explained, recognizing is literally separating out the pure facts of your situation to recognize your thoughts about it.

Kate:

So for example, you might think you’re feeling anxious and head’s procrastinating because you have so much to do and not enough time. But if we just take a moment to do a pure fact check and get you to write out just your situation factually. Like actually get a piece of paper and write down exactly what you need to get done during your eight hours at work today, you will see that those facts themselves. Whatever it is. Like send out that email campaign. Finish that client proposal. Design the presentation slides. Those items themselves can’t jump off the page and implant a feeling of anxiety or overwhelm in you.

Kate:

They just sit there on paper. So all that stress and overwhelm are the thoughts that are triggered when we look at that to do list. And there could be a million different ones. Like our possibilities of what we’re going to think about are endless of course. But from the coaching I’ve done and personally in my own life, I recognize there’s three distinct, yet interlinking thoughts, that we really need to recognize for what they are. Just sentences in our mind and take ownership over them being the cause of overwhelm if we’re going to get a handle over our procrastination.

Kate:

And these thoughts are the three main ones I find. So firstly, this one to do with time and busyness. So I don’t have enough time. I’m too busy.

Lois:

Right.

Kate:

That’s first. Secondly, this idea of I don’t know. I don’t know-how. I’m not sure. I’m confused. Like what’s the best way? That sitting in confusion. And thirdly, the perfectionist mindset. It’s not going to be good enough. I don’t have what it takes. It’s too hard. I can’t do it. Like that fear of not being good enough is another huge cause of overwhelm or anxiety and leading us to procrastinate. So can you relate to that, Lois?

Lois:

Oh I sure can. And I can relate especially to the last one the most because I think that’s where my head always goes to first is enough. Do I have enough of what it needs to make this really work? Do I have enough of the right message for it to be understood? And the list goes on, doesn’t it?

Kate:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). And I can totally relate to it’s really a perfectionist mindset. A lot of people wear as a badge. Like this is a good thing. If I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it right. But I want to actually show audiences using these three R’s and I walk you through, how that is actually holding you back. And actually causing you to produce less of your best results and causing you to spin over unproductivity rather than, yeah, produce and create and put value out there into the world. And it’s something I’m massively working on myself. But I’ll show you what other options you have to think about and what you might want to focus on instead which is going to drive way more productivity for you.

Kate:

So, of course, but as I said, we just really got to recognize that I’m so busy isn’t a factual circumstance. It’s a thought. I don’t know what to write is actually a thought. And I know you might want to argue with me on this. Like no, Kate, you don’t understand. I really have so much to do. I am too busy. I have to finish this report. This proposal. This presentation by next Friday. I have to take my kids to dance classes and [inaudible 00:10:52] training. I have a friend’s birthday party on. My mom’s coming over to visit like I really don’t have enough time to get it all done.

Kate:

Or maybe you’re like, no seriously, Kate, it is a fact. I literally have no clue what to write. Like zero. I’m so confused. That is not just me thinking, I really am confused. And I get it. I totally get it. It really does seem that way. And that is what I have the second R. And that is to reflect upon how these thoughts, if we keep thinking them, we’re going to keep feeling and acting in ways that actually creates that reality for us and why it feels more and more true.

Kate:

And if these are thoughts we’ve thought over and over, you can look back in your life and see how often you’ve actually created more of that. And that is really again, reflection is just about asking, how do I act and show up in this situation when I’m thinking and feeling this way? What do I do? Or in this case when it comes to procrastination, not do, when I am feeling overwhelmed because I’m thinking I don’t have enough time and there’s too much to do. Right?

Kate:

Or maybe it’s that stressful thought of course if it’s not going to be good enough or I don’t know what to write or say. Like we can pick any one of these thoughts, because they’re all going to cause the same feeling of overwhelm or anxiety, as stress, right? And as I’ve explored in previous episodes, I’m showing you that overwhelm, stress, anxiety, it’s never going to help us to be able to concentrate properly. It floods our brain with stress chemicals which scientists have found. Narrows our mindsets, right? We lose our creative and problem solving skills.

Kate:

No spark or inspiration comes to us of what to write or can’t figure out how to best lay out the proposal. And in a society that teaches us feel good all the time. Feel happy. You need to, if you don’t eat something, do something, go on Facebook. Like to try and escape that anxiety, we do want to go seek the pleasure. I mean our brain is designed to do that. So we feel, we’re sitting at our screen, the cursor’s blinking at us. Almost like teasing us. Like write something, write something. And you’re thinking, but I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to write. You feel anxious and then anxiety feels uncomfortable so suddenly you want to go pick up Facebook and distract yourself from that feeling. Because you’re thinking, I don’t know what to write and you think that that’s the reality that the only way to escape it is to avoid that situation.

Kate:

So we’re going and making a coffee, chatting to our friends, doing whatever to try and get away from the task and then the cycle of procrastination begins. Because the brain gets a dopamine hit of pleasure every time it does something fun and enjoyable so it wants to stick with you doing that fun thing and avoid the hard thing.

Kate:

So suddenly 10 minutes on Facebook turns into one hour. Turns into three hours of a whole day of Facebooking and looking up where you want to take your next vacation rather than writing or finishing the report. So guess what the result creates for you? The very one you believed was true. That you don’t have enough time to get that report done properly. Or whatever you write isn’t going to be your best work. Because you’re lacking confidence because you’re thinking I don’t know what to write. Whatever I do won’t be good enough. And then you want to sit back and tell me, “See I told you, I wasn’t good enough to do this. Or I told you I didn’t have enough time.”

Lois:

Right.

Kate:

Truth is you created that because the whole time your underlying thoughts and beliefs of I don’t enough time or I won’t be good enough. So subconsciously you created that result because your beliefs were driving the same unproductive feelings and actions. So did that all makes sense?

Lois:

Oh it does. And it becomes such a vicious cycle doesn’t it?

Kate:

Yes, yes. And it’s one that we think we can’t break because we think it’s the reality we’re in. Like oh I am just too busy. I really don’t know what to write. But we need to [inaudible 00:14:47] sentences running through your mind. We need to recognize them. We need to take responsibility for them. We’re big kids now. We can do this. And just so we just, like we want to recognize. It’s all coming from our thinking. Reflect upon how your outlook is always going to determine the outcome of the situation always. Because what you produce at work is based on what action you take. And this action or inaction is based on how you’re feeling which is coming from your thinking.

Kate:

And I know this sounds overly simplistic, but that is the honest truth. Taking control of our anxiety and therefore taking control of how much we do or don’t procrastinate doesn’t mean changing what’s on our to do list. Doesn’t mean changing positions to take a role at work with less responsibilities. It is changing the way that we think about the tasks before us and our abilities to complete them that will begin to change what you feel, what you do, and the results you begin to create for yourself.

Kate:

Because honestly, think about this, everyone. What if you believe the exact opposite of these thoughts? Like I’m not saying you have to, but just entertain the possibility in your mind. If we went to a land where you really did believe that you had enough time to get everything done. Would you be running around in this anxious flurry feeling completely out of control? What about if you really believe that you do have what it takes to produce a great report that is going to fulfill your client’s needs? Would you be reaching for your phone or scrolling Facebook constantly if you did believe you knew exactly what to write for the open section of your proposal?

Kate:

Not likely, right. You’re far more likely to feel motivated. To feel confident. To sit down. To concentrate for one hour if you did believe you knew what to write. If you did believe you did have the time to get it done. It’s a completely different action and result from the same circumstance. From those same facts, right? And that’s all because you changed your internal world and how you’re feeling because you shifted how you’re thinking. Because motivation, determination, focus are all more helpful emotions that are going to drive more productive actions and outcomes for you, right?

Kate:

And this is all something that you can create for yourself by committing as many times as you need to, over and over again, this third and final R which of course is to-

Lois:

Redirect.

Kate:

That is it too. Our war empowering thoughts and what you can control. And of course, they do have to be somewhat believable. So I like to think of us coaxing our mind there like if you had a puppy that you were trying to get outside, you’d have to leave the treats and lead him to the door. Sometimes my dog doesn’t like to come outside. I have to leave puppy treats and coax him there. Because I just want … Like our confirmation bias of our brain wanting to keep thinking in the same way and believing the same thoughts because again, it doesn’t want to have to use energy in changing it. If we go too far out of what our brain currently believes and what it knows, it’s just going to reject it and be like that’s not even realistic.

Kate:

But what I want to pass along, just some more balanced, realistic, useful thoughts that you might find more helpful to keep repeating and redirecting your mind to. I know it really helps me in ending my procrastination. And in fact, this is exactly what I used to make sure I sat down and did my notes for this episode rather than losing myself in the world of Facebook.

Kate:

So the first theme or thoughts I want to address is that one around time. So I don’t know have enough time and I’m too busy. Can you relate to those ones swirling around, Lois?

Lois:

Oh, like having enough time and too busy is just … That is the biggest curse isn’t it?

Kate:

Yes. In our society, almost, it’s like … I even see myself saying it these days when like my schedule’s completely free with everything happening at the moment. I’m like I’m just so busy. It’s this underlying hum of our society is that busyness is like a hero badge that is like a status of yes I’m just so busy. Do you feel that runs through?

Lois:

Oh yes. And so what’s interesting is you can go to places that where older people are retired and living together say how was your day? I don’t know. I’m so busy. You look and you go, just really, really, [inaudible 00:19:21].

Kate:

But that’s the thing right. Like our brain is just on auto pilot. If we don’t pay attention to it, it’s just going to keep thinking the same thoughts and we don’t even stop back and go wait what? Like I’m just telling myself that now. Like you’re really not, like I’m choosing to put things on my lists right now that I can use my time productively, but the problem with busy is that when we say it, it makes us feel like we’re stuck at the effect of our lives and acting in this victim mode. Like there’s just so much to do, I’m so busy. And it never drives our most powerful and productive action.

Kate:

So let me chat you through a few things that I’ve learned about time and “busyness” which I’ve found really helpful. And that was firstly for someone to show me time is relative. Like it’s not a constant thing. It’s a mind trip this one, but how it was best explained to me is Lois, think about this is one minute of you sitting on the couch watching your favorite TV show. What’s your favorite TV show?

Lois:

You know what? I’m not a good example for this because I don’t watch television much. But I’ll tell you what? I am known within my family is I make sure everybody sees all of the James Bond movies. I love James Bond.

Kate:

Oh there you go. Okay. So you’re sitting there one relaxing evening watching your favorite James Bond movie. Thinking about doing one minute of that versus one minute of running as fast as you can on a treadmill. Do you experience that minute? Does it feel exactly the same amount of time to you?

Lois:

Oh no, not really.

Kate:

Not at all, right? Like think about how long one minute feels on the treadmill versus yeah. One minute on the couch. They’re very different. And I realize when somebody explained it, it’s because when we’re on the treadmill, we are watching the time. We’re stressed and we’re thinking I want this over, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. And just be done. But when we’re on the couch, we don’t even focus on the time. We’re relaxed. We’re having different thoughts in that moment which causes us to experience it differently. And that’s when I really realized that time is in our minds. And busyness isn’t a reality, a circumstance out of us, it’s a mindset that we have. So taking charge of our time is really about taking charge of our mind. And redirecting and focusing … Focus our brain on believing these thoughts instead.

Kate:

Because remember at the end of the day, we all got the same 24 hours in a day. So these are some of my thoughts I like to redirect to and firstly, it’s just acknowledging, there’s no such thing as not enough time. Like there really isn’t because when we think that we feel anxious and then suddenly, have you ever found like 20 minutes show up in your calendar because someone’s canceled something but rather than making the most of it, suddenly we haven’t really planned properly blah, blah, blah. And then we’re wasting that time. And then when I look back and be like see I didn’t have enough time to get everything done.

Kate:

But because you weren’t focused on solving for this question which is how can I make enough time to do what matters? Like that, for me, is what I want to focus my brain on instead. Making enough time. Finding time. Creating time to do what matters. That’s what I want to get my brain focused on. So suddenly when that 20 minutes does come up, my to do list, now I’m like bang, this is how I can make the most of that time. Right? So that’s something I’m always like, I have enough time to do what matters. Now you might be out of try and prove to me [inaudible 00:23:00] but it’s not just helpful to show me how big that to do list is, if you believe that you have enough time to get it done. You feel determined to sit down and prove that true.

Kate:

So that’s one of my redirects. Also, just telling myself like I can handle what’s in front of me one task at a time. I can handle this. That, for me, feels a whole lot better in my body than repeating I don’t have enough time, I’m too busy. And the other things a lot of people say is I’m just really bad at time management. I’m just such a time waster and procrastinator. Procrastination, it’s not like in your DNA. It’s not like some people are procrastinators or not. It’s just a mismanaged mind. That’s all we need to know. And so I always want also people to shift their thinking from I can’t, I’m not, I don’t know how. Like that identity of I’m not good with time, to I’m learning how to manage my time better. Just shifting your identity, shifting that self talk, little by little will make a difference. Because our reality likes to reflect our beliefs.

Kate:

So if you keep believing you’re a procrastinator, it wants to be in unison. So we need to firstly begin to shift your identity and your belief. And so just that little shift. You might not be able to believe totally that you’re great with your time and always follow your schedule perfectly, but if you can be like, I’m learning how to manage my time. I’m learning how to manage my schedule. I’m learning how to follow it. That at least opens your brain back up to the possibility that you can get better at this. So that is my third trip for that time one. Does that all make sense?

Lois:

It makes a lot of sense.

Kate:

Okay, cool. Now, yes?

Lois:

Go ahead.

Kate:

Okay. Well, I just was going to dive into the I don’t know confusion, the cloud of I don’t know. The fog. The brain fog, I call it. Like when you’re just like I don’t know. Like how am I meant to do this? What am I meant to write? What am I meant to say? I’m confused and I get it. Again, another one of my favorite sneaky little thoughts that my brain likes to indulge in. But rather than sitting in that, again, that victim place. Because if we don’t know what to do, guess what? It means you don’t have to take any action, right? It’s a sneaky little way of not having to do anything.

Kate:

So my favorite three things, when my brain wants to indulge in I don’t know is I like to trick and say back to it, yeah but if you did know, what would it be? So it is like tricks it, right? It’s like but if you did, hypothetically, what would you … And the other one I love is take a guess. So a guess by definition means there’s no write or wrong answer. Because so often, we say I don’t know out of fear of being wrong. Because school trains us to get the right answer. To always … We’re praised when we get something right that we’re so fearful of getting something wrong. So it’s easier to say I’m confused and I’m afraid.

Kate:

So we often say I’m confused when we’re just scared of getting it wrong, but if there’s no risk of being wrong, suddenly your brain opens back up. It’s able to … That’s why brainstorm, when you say to your team just brainstorm ideas, people know with a brainstorm you don’t have to get it right. It’s not like you’re saying you 100% will follow these ideas or anything. You just let it all on paper and do that and so that’s why the idea of take a guess. If you’re brainstorming, what would you put down? Like just letting your brain be creative and in that playful space rather than this whole critical you must get it right space. So I find that helps a lot with me.

Kate:

Which again is basically what I did for this episode is like just take a guess, if you were brainstorming what would you tell people and suddenly, you will find, you actually do know the answer. It was just hiding in that fear of needing to be right. Like I believe we have so much more wisdom and creativity and problem solving abilities than we give ourselves credit for if we just let go that needing to be right and just getting it out on paper. Suddenly you’ll read something back and be like oh, I am quite smart. So that helps me.

Kate:

And then of course just a powerful question, if you really are like just staring at that blank cursor going for the life of me, I just can’t figure this out is just asking well who is one person with experience on this that I can ask some advice for? Just reach out for help. We live in the world firstly of Google and YouTube. Like I feel like 90% of the world can be figured out on that platform.

Kate:

But also, remember you’re on a team guys. It’s never those who learn the most or those who ask the most questions and all of that. And that’s what I want to dive into with this third and final redirect. But I think it’s rather than I don’t know what to write. It’s like who’s someone who might be able to help me figure out? Just ask, getting your brain solving for a powerful question than yeah, dwelling on what you can’t do. It’s like well there is someone out there who can help me, who’s that one person? And don’t let your brain say I don’t know. Then say take a guess.

Lois:

If there was a person, who would that be?

Kate:

Exactly, yes. You’ve already got the hang of it Lois so I think that is going to help you become way more productive and suddenly what you could have spun all over I don’t know, I don’t know. Suddenly, by the end of the day, you’re going to have an outline, a draft, some ideas, some brainstorms, something to give to your boss and say, this is my best guess from the information and my own awareness and my own abilities and my own understanding, this is what I’ve got. And I’m willing for it to be wrong which is what we’re going to dive into with that third direct, which of course, is all around that perfectionist mindset of I need to do this right or I’m not going to do it all.

Kate:

And then that fear of what if it isn’t good enough? Like it’s what if I don’t get a big applause from my boss at the end of this? Which I think for the high achievers out there, we can all relate to. So what I want to offer up with these redirects is shifting your identity from at work from being, wanting to be like the smartest in the room and wanting to be the best in the room. And always being right to being the best learner. The best problem solver. The best … Because that is within your control. Right? Like you can’t control whether you are going to be the smartest person in the room, but you can be the one who’s willing to learn the most. To take on the most. To ask the most. To practice the most. Right?

Kate:

So that is a growth mindset that is more resilient than this fixed mindset of seeing challenges as if it’s going to expose some weakness of yours and then that’s a bad thing and I need to the best and always do it right. Which is very much how our school system grades us, right? We’re never applauded for the effort we put into studying for an exam. Only the results we get for it. So it makes sense that we tie our identities up with wanting to always appear like we can do things really easy. We can always get it right. And we’re never falling short on expectations of our boss.

Kate:

But the problem is when we want something to be perfect and you’re sitting down and you’re staring at this blank piece of paper and you’re like, okay, this needs to be perfect. I need to totally improve, impress everyone with every little thing that I write and get that A plus from everyone, does that really feel motivating or do you feel a little bit anxious, when you think that Lois?

Lois:

Anxious, really, because for those of us who are perfectionists, it’s never perfect enough.

Kate:

That’s what I was about to ask you, like how do we know when something’s perfect? You don’t. Because perfection, again, isn’t a circumstance out there in the world. It’s someone’s thoughts about it. So one boss, and that’s what you can find if you go to one boss or one team member and like oh my gosh, it’s great. I love it. And then you go to another and they’re like, no, I’d change this whole section and edit that out. And you’re like … So then you got to go back and change it but then someone else would be unhappy and then someone … Like it’s subjective again so you … You spin your … You’re trying to chase an ever moving goal. It’s never going to be fully attained, so you’re never going to feel like you’re good enough. Which of course eventually, it erodes our self esteem, right? Because we’re always beating ourselves up and never being perfect. But that’s never been a realistic goal.

Kate:

So we need to shift our mind from the perfectionist mindset into the progress mindset. Where we’re all about growing and learning and embracing that this might be hard but in that there’s so much opportunity to learn and to grow and to contribute and just really remember these three key things which is what I’m training my brain to do. To let go of the perfectionist mindset and firstly, it’s reminding myself that my worth as a human being is never attached to outcome of this piece of work that I’m trying to do.

Kate:

And that is a thing I think we all need reminding. So many of us attach our worth, our identities to our position in a company and how all of our work is received. And when we’re … Which is great when everyone’s applauding us but it ain’t so great when we might fall short sometimes.

Lois:

Yeah.

Kate:

And that’s why it cuts so deep. Because we’re attaching our worth to it. But I’m always reminding myself that my worth just is. Feedback is not about me personally as a person. It’s about something I’ve produced out there in the world. It’s just information about that. It’s not grading me as a human. And we need to consciously remind our brain of that. Because since a young age, thanks to school and getting attached to approval and validation on what we achieve, it’s easy to get caught up in that mindset and attaching our worth to our work. But our worth just is is what I’m always reminding myself. Brene Brown has an amazing quote of whatever does or didn’t get done today, did or didn’t get done. You are valuable as a human being. We just need to remind ourselves of that way more often than what we do.

Kate:

And the next thing I would love to remind myself when I’m trying to write something and I’m like ah, but I’m not sure if this is good enough. Should I say it differently? Should I say it that way? And I’m spinning over one sentence is just reminding myself. Done is better than perfect. A boss would prefer a B minus report than no report at all. Like something is better than nothing, right? So many people go, I don’t want to aim for B minus. I’m a high achiever. I’m an A plus. But guess what happens when you allow yourself to not be the most perfect person in the room. And not be like the one that’s going to get 100% every time is instead of trying to perfect every single little word and every single little sentence and backspace and rewrite a thousand times and trying to guess what the best way to write it is and take ages to do something that should only really take like half an hour.

Kate:

When you just allow yourself to be like you know what? This is going to be my best guess in this moment with how I’m feeling and with what I know. I’m just going to aim for good enough. Good enough and go, I say sometimes, is you actually get it done quicker. Which then allows you to reach out to your boss ahead of time often and get some feedback and refine it from there. So then you’re actually far more likely to get closer to doing it in a way that you make your team proud of than if you were trying to spin, spin, spin and hide away from feedback as if it’s threatening to your identity and your abilities. But if you can see that feedback’s actually your friend. It’s actually just giving you something valuable to learn, the B minus is likely to turn into an A plus.

Kate:

Now I know that no one’s really getting graded like that at work. But I’m just meaning from how happy your boss is or how impressed your team are if you just speed and get it done as quick as you can with what you know and then get feedback, get ideas and refine from there. It’s a lot easier. Because so often we’re trying to write from within our own mind. Solve something within our own mind. But if we just get it out on paper as good as we can. Get the feedback. Refine from there, you’re way more likely to actually produce a far more valuable result, I’ve found.

Lois:

No, I think that’s so true. And I think a lot of times, part of it’s willingness to be humble. And to be able to go to the manager, the boss, whoever and say you know what? This is my understanding right now. It’s imperfect. There’s pieces that I know are not complete. I need your input so I know how to complete it. And people I have found love to give that input. But I have to be humble enough to say I didn’t know how to do it all by myself perfectly the first time.

Kate:

Yeah.

Lois:

And meaning-

Kate:

But think about it on the flip side, like what do you think of the big picture your boss like, if he comes, have you got that report done yet? No boss, I’m working on it. Like I’m just … Just give me some more time. Two days later, I’m still waiting on for it to be finished. Because you’re too scared to ask him rather than just going like hey, I’m stuck on this, can you give me … Oh you just need to do that. Oh okay. I hadn’t thought of that. You go away and you do that and you get it done the first time he asks you rather than the fourth time. What do you think your boss is going to be more impressed with? Someone who’s willing to put their hand up when they don’t understand something? Or someone who’s going to hand in a report five days late?

Kate:

Like yeah, he might think oh, they probably should have known that by now. But okay, I’m glad they asked. Like rather than they keep handing their reports in late, what do you think is going to frustrate your boss a little more or make them not give you that bonus at the end of the year, I think it’s always going to be because you can’t control what light your boss sees you through, but I think if he can see … I think what’s frustrating is if he tells you some advice and then you don’t take it on. And then you ask questions and you’re not taking it on. But if he can see, she is someone that asks a lot of questions, but then I see, she takes that aways and she applies it and she improves her work. And her productivity and all of that and her sales. She can ask me questions all day long.

Kate:

You know what I mean? Because she’s improving, she’s applying. So it’s then up to us, when we ask the question to take it on board. And I think that’s the value of you’re like no, I value myself, my self esteem comes on me being the best learner. Rather than always being right. Because if you always got to be right, then we shy away from asking questions. But you shy away from asking questions, you don’t learn anything new. And you’re actually less likely to be right a lot of the time. But if you’re willing to learn. Take it on board that knowledge and realize that yeah, you just got to have that growth mindset. That a challenge is an opportunity to learn and improve and it’s not a choice that I can make for people. But if you step back and realize that oh yeah, there is a lot of value that can come. And I actually become more valuable as an employee to this company if I am willing to ask questions, even if they seem “stupid.”

Kate:

You’re going to let your team down more if you’re not willing to feel some comfortable emotion just to ask a question that can bring a lot of value.

Lois:

That is so true.

Kate:

Yeah.

Lois:

That is so true.

Kate:

Yeah. So I think that just one last thing that I want to find that makes us more resilient, productive workers, to avoid procrastinating so often that I’ve found really helps me is it links back to what I mentioned at first. Just remembering that our worth as a human being isn’t attached to our results. Is just get curious about how do you define being successful in the work place? Because I’ve found where you’ll find a lot more visitation and resilience and tenacity you need to get your work done and to follow through on things is to define success on things within your control.

Kate:

And value your input more than just the outcome of a project. Right? So we are not ultimately in control of how a client is going to receive something that we give them. Right? So it can be a really topsy, turvy, like all over the place if they’re always like just only making something successful if they accept it. But if you wrap your identity again more around success is being a hard worker. Being a learner. Not putting unrealistic expectations on myself and value myself for more than just a number, but being someone who collaborated and asked hard questions and put in the extra hours, then if that client still says no at the end of it, you won’t deem yourself a failure because you’ve been successful as who you want to be in that work place and as an employee. And as a teammate for everyone that you’re working with.

Kate:

So when I assessed something in my work, whether it was a failure or a success, beyond just the outcome and how it was received, especially as a speaker, trust me, I’m always in front of audiences where I face this a lot. I want to hide away and think like oh because I can’t control what the audience is exactly going to think of me. But some way more useful questions to assess whether something was a success or not, I’ve found, it seems like did I ask for help from someone more experienced when I needed it? Was I open to feedback and ideas? Did I write what I believed in and give that project the best of my ability that I had at that time?

Kate:

And most especially, did I forgive myself when I noticed that I was procrastinating a little and then chose to use these three R’s to get myself focused again? Like it’s all about not just the outcome but I think who you’re being and the effort factor you’re putting in to any project, that I feel like is way more valuable. And they’ve found that intrinsic motivation is far more powerful than just the extrinsic. I think that’s the word. Out there. Outside reward. Just internally, that dopamine hit that you get when you’re like yeah, but I worked hard that and I’m going to have my back regardless of just the outcome. Again, that identity shift is going to motivate you to want to sit down and get your work done.

Lois:

Wow. So you know what? I’m going to take a look at my list. And see where I’ve been procrastinating and put these principles. Yeah, thank you.

Kate:

Yeah, no, thank you so much. I really hope it helps people with those little mind shifts. We underestimate the power of our mindset. But little shifts add up to big changes when practiced day in, day out. So thank you again for the opportunity to share this, Lois. I appreciate it.

Lois:

It is amazing. Thank you so much, Kate. And we will be back with some more very shortly. Thanks very much everybody. Thanks for listening.